So you knows those moms, the cute crafty ones (check out
http://notesshewrote.blogspot.com/), the ones who's kids always coordinate while they look like something out a magazine? Yep, the ones who somehow seem to fit 1000 things into one day, including their 10 mile morning run? Okay, let's be clear...I am not one of them. As hard as I try and even when I do my best to fake it...nope, I am still not that mom.
I'll prove my point. On a whim I decided to add a swipe of lip gloss to my normal hair brush (on a good day) and mascara routine. Taking one look at me, Jake's eye brows knit together with great concern and he asked, "Why did you put that stuff on?" He continued by stating, "Now you don't look like Momma anymore." Holy Smokes! A tiny bit of color on my lips and I don't look like his Mom anymore?!? Wow, I must have
really let myself go.
I'm sure the girl I was at 19 would be horrified if she saw me right now? "What's going on with that lady's hair...doesn't she own a brush!? "Yes," I would explain to younger me, "I do own a brush...but retrieving from my bathroom could potentially disturb my sleeping 8 month old. In addition, I have no guarantee that the hair brush, once out of the drawer, would not catch the attention of my jealous three year old who would then wield it as a weapon against his younger brother. So, as you will soon see, Younger Me, sometimes brushing your hair really isn't worth it."
But while younger me may be displeased if she could witness her future lack of style or how rarely a workout fits into her schedule (not to mention how she herself now fits into a pair of skinny jeans), I know that she would definitely approve the two little boys I get to spend each day with.
When it comes to raising these boys, I should mention that Arthur and I probably do the opposite of mainstream 90% of time. We've never used the cry it out method, my babies nurse on demand, and we rarely take parenting advice from a pediatrician (unless it is a real medical issue of course) But, so far it seems to be working. Both boys are bright, happy, and thriving.
Honestly, I am getting use to people looking at me like I'm a crazy person when I talk about our parenting philosophy. But in my defense, I only get into it after people ask why my boys are...the way they are. When we first had Jake we really did what we felt right for him...for us as a family. It was really that simple, and now as we move into a new phase of Jake's development we are working from that same place. And homeschool...a Montessori homeschool of sorts is where we have ended up. We love the idea of our lives always revolving around our family rather than our family trying to revolve around life.
So here I am upside down and inside out in motherhood while Arthur works hard to provide for our family so I can be home with our boys. Each day brings out the best and the worst of me...often within minutes of each other but hopefully not in equal proportions. But imperfect as I am, I do my best and my desire to learn with them and about them is as great as my desire to teach them. If it is something that you have considered (even for a second) but maybe you doubt in your own ability to do it, read
http://mommylife.net/archives/2011/05/why_homeschool_7.html.
To be clear, I do not think I have found some secret answer to Mommyhood nor do I think I am God's gift to teaching. There are many mornings when I want to turn on the TV and let Nick Jr take over or afternoons I wish I could sentence Jake to his room for the rest of the day (usually for picking on James). But at the end of the day, who else cares about them like I do? Who else is invested in the outcome like I am? So why would I entrust such an important job to someone else? And truthfully, I can't imagine missing it.
So get ready to read all about our adventures in homeschooling. It won't be pretty, and I can almost promise my hair will be a mess and my children will be in varying stages of undressed. I've given up makeup for finger paints and baking is now more about the process than the outcome (but you should see Jake crack an egg). But between the painting, puzzles, spider catching, time outs and hours of us all hanging out on the family room floor together, I see it working. They are exploring, creating, discovering...both about themselves and the world around them. So I hope I'm right....I hope they are learning, but more important I hope they sense how much they are loved.
