Date Day WIth My Bubba

Until today I wondered...worried even, that I would never be able to watch musical theater without the sharp twinge of jealousy creeping in.  It makes me physically uncomfortable to watch (even on TV) people do what I once loved to do so much myself.  But today, only three notes into the overture of Click Clack Moo, I found out it was possible.

The music started just as Jake and I were were getting to our seats.  The lights were already down in the house and I could only see the outline of Jake's profile reflecting the stage lights.  He was frozen, eyes transfixed on the stage.  It took me three or four attempts just to get his attention long enough for him to take the last several steps to our seats.

As we settled in, I looked down...I saw just what my mom had described about me so many years ago.  Jake was perched at the edge of his seat, back ridged at attention, and eyes wide.  He hung on every word...every note.  He laughed at all the silly parts, clapped enthusiastically after every song (I think he even started the applause once or twice), and couldn't help move to the music.  Then he climbed into my lap and snuggled in, and as I wrapped my arms around him, it happened.  Finally, I found a place in the theater I liked even more then the stage.

At intermission, we walked into the lobby hand in hand and I asked, "How do you like it so far?" "I think it is great!" Jake beamed up at me.  And it was...a great show, a great "date" with my baby boy, and a great reminder that as much as I loved (and often miss) performing, it was the not the life for me.  I am where I belong.

Ended our date with a trip to Cracker Barrel...pancakes and a parfait...4 year old heaven :-)

True sign of a great day...

Looks like James had a pretty great day too...Thanks Aunt Robyn!

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think I'll start watching Glee anytime soon, but I am excited to share the love of my past life with the true loves of my new one.

Training

On paper, it is just another Army training...several weeks away for some high altitude flight training.  But as I frantically scrubbed toliets and mopped floors, desperately trying to stay busy enough to quiet my mind, the anxiety and dread still managed to creep in.  And as I lay awake last night, just listening for his alarm that would signal his departure, there is no denying that this training means so much more.

As I watched him pack that camo bag full of his uniforms, socks and gear, the lump in my throat started to suffocate me.  Yes, this good bye just makes the next one so much more real.  So really, Arthur isn't the only one training for the upcoming deployment.  The boys and I are now in training too, even if they are too little to realize it.  We are training for what our life will be like without Daddy for nearly a year.  And while today went well, the space that his absence brings is infinite.

It is impossible to simply who Arthur is and what he does for our family into a little blog post.  There are probably a million things he does and contributes that I don't even realize because he has been a part of my life for so long.  However, I have been paying more attention over the last few months...just watching him with the boys.  It is a combination of my desire to soak in all in, but also a desperate attempt to cram for my test as a "single" parent...if I am going to try and fill even the big toe of his shoe (or should I say boot), I have a LOT to learn

Arthur is amazing at including the boys (even crazy Baby James) in whatever he is doing.  Painting, washing the car, even watching football...the boys are welcome in all of it.  There are so many times I would understand if he wanted to complete a task uninterrupted, but he genuinely loves to have them with him. 

Last month he redid our floors, and never once did he get annoyed or frustrated with them while he tackled such a huge task.  He just let them work/play right beside him.  I really expected the boys and I would be sequestered in a room for the duration of the project, but no.

He patently answered all of Jake's questions, found jobs for them to do (Jake has gotten quite good with a hammer, and James is not far behind), and really used the whole experience as a teachable moment.

He is my best friend, my better half, and my partner.  I couldn't imagine having a family with anyone else.  So I am going to do my best to not dwell on the goodbye, but instead be grateful that I have a man/husband/and father for my babies who is so much to miss.