The Transition to Two

I think I am starting to get a hang of this mommy of two thing (for those of you who have more...my hat goes off to you, I don't know how you do it) and better yet I am really starting to enjoy it.  Over the last couple of weeks, I feel like I am finally beginning to find my new balance, a new rhythm.  It has not been easy to find my new "normal," the place where I feel like I am meeting my family's needs.... and if at all possible most of their wants too. But I think I'm finally getting there.
Since James' birth, I have felt a little (okay, more than a little) overwhelmed.  Maybe it was postpartum hormones mixed with some post traumatic stress from James' scary start...or maybe it is just the new baby adjustment period but regardless it has been a more difficult transition than I had expected.  I found that I, all too often, was losing my patience with Jake.  And when I was spending one on one time with one child I would immediately feel like I was neglecting the other.  Cuddling with James I would find myself thinking, "I should be playing with Jake.  He is going to think he's been replaced, or worse that I don't love him anymore!"  Then when while playing with Jake I would think, "I should be holding James more.  When Jake was this age I held him more."  Needless to say I was driving myself (and no doubt, my wonderful husband) crazy.
Every night I found myself stewing over my day, beating myself up for all my "mess ups"...the missed teaching moments, the extra TV time, raising my voice, the loads of undone laundry...you get the point.  Finally, I realized that this technique was not only ineffective but also self destructive.  So I started praying, really praying, and asking for more patience and a greater ability to show my children just how loved they truly are.  Because more than anything I always want my children to know how special they are and how much I love them.
This past Thursday, I had a great day with my little boys.  We had a picnic at the park, a doctor appointment with both boys, a trip to TCBY on the way home, and I even had dinner ready for Arthur when he got home (okay, so I just reheated leftovers). 

Another mother at the park asked if I had my camera with me and if I would like a picture taken with my boys.  It turns outs she was a little crazy and talked my ear off for 25 minutes, but I am grateful for the photo.

Why am I not surprised?  He told me later that despite his suggestions to build a volcano, the girls still built a sand castle...he doesn't seem to mind.

James after his trip to the optimologist...he was such a good boy.

Jake enjoying his first ice cream cone

I thought it was going to be a huge mess, but he did a great job

and thought the cone was pretty yummy

There was nothing extraordinary about this day and it is no way meant to impress...it just the day that represents me finally feeling like "I've got this" (most of the time at least).
I hope (and pray) that when my children reflect back on their childhoods, their memories will be filled with me as the warm, patient, loving mom I strive to be rather than that frazzled, grumpy, stressed mom I was feeling like.