Having a deployed spouse around the holidays gets a big reaction out of most people. The most frequent question is whether or not Arthur will be home for the holidays. And after giving me "that face" (you army wives know the one) or patting my children on the heads, they ask how we are handling "it" and then comment on how difficult it must be to celebrate alone. I even had one woman say that we should just pretend that Christmas is just another day. So after having many variations of this same conversation leading up to Christmas, I have
There is no way around it, having Daddy gone is hard...really hard. As amazing as skype and magic jack are, nothing can substitute having the person you love right by your side. But I have two little boys who deserve their Christmas to be special. Their childhood is too short for me to pout (too much) about doing it solo. So I am doing my best. And as my mother keeps reminding me, that is call I can do
So Christmas is on, it will not just be another day nor was December just another month. Our decorations are up (most of them), we have a beautiful tree that Jake carefully selected at Lowe's (it is probably the prettiest tree we have ever had), and Christmas music fills are home. Stocking are hung (and monogrammed!), and thanks to Aunt Robyn's help, Santa will be be coming.
Unfortunately though, Santa threats don't really work on Jake. I learned this the first time I tried to play that card back in November. My explanation that Santa brings coal instead of presents to boys who are unkind to their brothers enlisted none of the fear or worry it had on me as a child. Instead he responded with, "If Santa brings me coal, I'll just use it to help Daddy with the barbecue." Well, I guess that is one way to turn lemons into lemonade, or in this case coal into pulled pork sandwiches.
James' enthusiasm and silly sweetness has definitely helped to keep this season bright. He noticed every new decoration and ornament as I took them out, and wanted to touch and ask about each one. And of course, my glass nativity display is like a magnet to his chubby little hands. The presents under the tree, especially the ones that he knows belongs to him, also call to him each day. Jake and I have to watch James carefully because, after this past birthday, this boy understands that exciting things are hidden beneath that colorful wrapping paper. When we catch him trying to sneak away with his gifts he innocently states, "Present...for Christmas," and turns around and places it back under the tree.
Today he started singing Jingle Bells in sacrament meeting (loudly, clearly, complete with the "Hey!") He has learned many of the Christmas carols this year as we have driven around different neighborhoods to look at Christmas lights. "Christmas Lights! I like them!" he shouts with excitement as we pass the beautiful displays. The wonder of children, especially at Christmas, is contagious. You can almost not help but feel the magic with them.
However, I have also had to let a lot of things go. For example, ginger bread houses just didn't happen this year. The advent calender also didn't make the cut. Yes, every time I get on facebook and see the cute things my friends have done with their kids, I feel the Mommy gilt begin to settle in. And don't even get me started on pinterest...we are on a break until at least February. I am trying to be okay with the fact that I can't do everything. And honestly, maybe it a blessing because as some of the extra stuff has melted away, we have been left with what was at the center of this holiday in the first place...the Birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
The struggle and the challenges of having Arthur away, have made us all focus even more deeply on why we celebrate this day in the first place. As Jake explained to me at church, several weeks ago, "It not the presents we should be excited about. We should be excited because it is Jesus' Birthday." He is exactly right. No matter what we are going through in our lives we all have reason to celebrate the birth of our Redeemer. So we are not pretending it is just another day. Instead the boys and I have been focusing on Christ. We have been learning about who he is, and why our Heavenly Father sent his beloved son to this earth. When we know who Christ is and what is mission was, we can't help but feel like celebrating.
Last week at family home evening, as we discussed Christ love for them, Jake looked up from coloring his picture of Christ with the children and reverently said, "I feel like crying." I explained to him that "feeling" was the Holy Ghost helping him know that the things Mommy was telling him were true. And then just a few minutes later James looked down at his pictures and exclaimed, "Jesus loves ME!"
I am so grateful to know that He lives, and to be able to share with my children that the greatest gift any of us will ever receive has already been given. Christ suffered and died that we may find peace and joy in this life and so we can have eternal life with him and our Father in Heaven in the next one.
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