What I thought I wanted

I took these pictures back in October with the optimistic notion that I would “get ahead of things.”  As any mother knows, this is not only impossible, but it is down right laughable.  

At the time I remember being so frustrated.  I just couldn’t get the pictures on my camera to match the ones I had imagined in my head.  Grumpy and defeated, I packed up my beautiful but hungry and very done with picture taking children and headed to the taco truck for dinner.  “What a waste of time,” I thought.

As I slowly made my way through editing (slowly=the next two months), however, I saw something I had completely overlooked at the time.  These pictures (while obviously posed and staged) perfectly represent this moment in my children’s childhood and the sweet (and sometimes sour) relationships they share.

Jake reading stories to Scarlett and James, James and Jacob constantly side by side, Scarlett looking up to them with so much love and wonder, and them loving her right back...sometimes with slightly more enthusiasm than she would like.  

This really is them.  This really is my life.  Isn’t it beautiful?!  

Words will never describe how blessed I feel.  

I tried so hard to stage these pictures perfectly, forgetting that the perfection was already there.  Looking at these beautiful faces on this beautiful evening, I can’t even remember what it was I thought I wanted.  

I think that is a lesson I am constantly learning.  I decide how I want things to be and then I feel let down and disappointed when reality doesn’t comply.  And then I realize, just like i did with the pictures, that while things may be different that what I thought I wanted, there is always a reason.  I am so grateful we have a Father in Heaven who knows us and loves us.  He doesn’t always give us what we want when we think we want it, but he will always bless us with what we need when we turn our lives over and trust in Him.

Jake, James, and Scarlett, I know that one of the greatest callings I have or ever will receive in this life is to be your mom.  Getting to stay home with you each day and helping you learn and grow is privilege and challenge that gives my life meaning and purpose.  There is no where else I would want to be than with you three and your amazing Daddy.  I know you hear it every day, but I love you...more than you can comprehend.  Thank you for helping me live a life of such beauty that I could never fully capture in a picture.