Loosing Myself in Them

I love taking pictures...especially of my kids, but the problem with taking them is that you are rarely in them.  So, even before Jonah was born, I decided that this time I was going to be in the pictures.  I have been stalking following a local photographer for several years now, and so picking a photographer was an easy choice.

The pictures were taken the day before Jonah turned one month.  When I received the final images last week I was amazed to see how much he has already grown (no, really...my 3 month old weighs 18.6 pounds and is showing no signs of slowing down).

I am in love with these pictures...even the few I am in.  There is something very symbolic to me about the posing...me sitting, surrounded almost completely, by my four amazing children.  People often caution, "Don't loose yourself in your children."  "One day they will grow up and leave," they warn.  And it is true.  One day (all too soon I am sure), they will grow up and begin lives of their own.  It is what they are suppose to do...what I am hopefully raising them to do.  But if not loosing myself in that process is part of the deal, than I have already failed.  And it is too late to go back now, the girl I was, nearly a decade ago, has been forever lost.   But I am okay with that.  Through motherhood, through this process of "loosing"  myself (more and more with each precious addition), I have realized that I am actually finding myself.  And even when they no longer physically surround me, I will still never be just me.  Each one of my children test and bless me in ways that forever alter me.   I am who I am because of them.  Just as I can see myself reflected in each of them, my children have become part of my own refection.

Motherhood, there is nothing else like it...