The Skate Park

When the countdown to the deployment can easily be calculated in hours, one really focuses in on the important things.  It is a time when fathers feel the need to share just a little more manly knowledge with their sons.  And where, you may ask, is the best place to impart this fatherly wisdom?  Why the SKATE PARK, of course!  Oh wait, that wasn't your first guess...no it wasn't mine either.  

As we drove over, I had flashes of the inevitable trip to the ER for stitches, broken arm, or maybe even both.  But we all left the park pretty much unscathed other than a good bump on the head for James (which is an almost daily event for our crazy boy) and Daddy breaking Jake's skateboard and with it Jake's heart.  It actually turned out to be a perfect morning.  Complete with breakfast at Chick Fil'A.  To be honest, it was difficult to tell who was having more fun...the little boys (all between one and four) or the daddies.

Guess it didn't hurt too bad since he can't remember what side it was on :-)

Before the "awesome" trick

Please note Jacob collapsed in a heap of tears at the loss of his skateboard

Jake actually really impressed and surprised me.  He is normally more reserved and cautious when participating in activities that can cause bodily harm...but he was riding down ramps and around the bowls with confidence and a little bit of skill.  It is fun to see your children challenge themselves...terrifying...but so rewarding.

James, of course, was in heaven.  He rode around on his little strider like he was just one of the big kids.  He rode down ramps, had a couple turn on the skateboard and when he needed a break he would find something to chew on.

I think my favorite part of the day was watching Arthur share something, that was such a big part of his life growing up, with our children.  Back in high school I use to watch him skate with his friends after school.  You know I had to have a pretty big crush to happily sit on the sidewalk as he did kick flips, grabs, and whatever else they needed those really puffy skate shoes for.  Back then he could ignore me nearly the entire afternoon, but then he flash me one of his flirty smiles and it would all be worth it.  Pitiful. :-) Let's just hope he doesn't teach those tricks to our boys...

Difficult "D" Words

With less than a week to go before "D (eployment) day," more and more people are asking things like, "How are you doing?" or "How are you feeling."  And to be honest, I don't have an answer.  It isn't that I am annoyed by the question.  Actually, it is quite the opposite.  I appreciate everyones' concern and consideration so much.  The problem is, I genuinely have no idea...I feel almost nothing about it.

I know that sounds horrible.  "Your husband is leaving for nine months and I don't care?!?"  But it isn't like that.  When I try to think about it...when I try to mentally prepare myself, it goes something like this.  "Okay, in a few days Arthur is going to wake up, kiss you and the boys goodbye, and then he isn't coming home for nine months...." and that is about how far I get before my brain short circuits and I suddenly find myself thinking about what color I should paint my kitchen cabinets.

I haven't exactly figured out if this is a practice of self preservation, like I would be so D-pressed that I would unable to get out of bed in the morning if I really let myself take it all in.  Or maybe with this being our first deployment, it is like preparing for childbirth.  I am just blissfully unaware of what is really in store so I have nothing concrete to focus my anxiety.  Maybe next time, when I know what is coming, I will chase Arthur around the house crying and clinging to his leg begging him not to go (I still have almost a week, I guess there is still plenty of time for such a breakdown).

Both explanations seem reasonable and likely, but I think that the main explanation is good old fashion D-enial.  No matter how many FRG meetings I attend where they talk about it, how many camouflage bags get packed in my living room, or conversations we have with Jake to help him prepare, there is still a huge piece of me that still does not believe it is really happening.  The idea of Arthur leaving me or the boys for any long period of time just seems like such a ridiculous thought that my brain won't even waste time thinking about it.  "I'm sorry, I think I just hallucinated!" it seems to say any time I let the thought creep in.

So instead of accepting the elephant now sitting on top of me, I walk around feeling uncomfortable trying to figure out some home decor project that will make me feel better.  Talk about trying to find a tangible solution to an "un"fixable problem.  Who knows, maybe I can just keep on pretending it isn't happening by distracting myself with interior decorating.  No, not likely...because no matter what color my kitchen gets painted or how many cute pictures I hang on our walls, the truth is, home won't feel like home until he is back in it.

Bum Cheeks and Bike Rides

Jake requested that Arthur smoke a pork shoulder for pulled pork sandwiches (I know, we are becoming more southern by the minute) this past weekend.  And never a man to say no to good food or one of his sons (within reason), Arthur obliged.
While I have no doubt that Jake loves those sandwiches (they are amazing), I have a feeling he also enjoys that daddy will be spending the day outside tending to the smoker.  And you never quite know what a day by the smoker will bring.
A cute naked baby cleaning your car perhaps...

Or your 4 year old deciding it is time to take of the training wheels (after having his dad build him a "ramp" for Stridder bike tricks)...

I am so happy they could share this milestone before Arthur leaves!

Nope, never a dull moment out by the smoker.  It has been a great summer and I know we are all looking forward to pulling out our big blue egg again next summer, when Daddy gets home!

Tick-Tock

Lately, I feel like the Pirate Captain from Peter Pan being chased around by the crocodile who swallows the clock.  Tick Tock Tick Tock...I can't help but hear...almost feel the seconds pass as this deployment rapidly approaches.

Maybe I am being a little mellow dramatic...it has been known to happen.  But as no matter which way I slice it, nine months really is a long time.

This one feels strangely symbolic

So here we are just weeks away from saying our "see you laters,"and our time together feels even more precious and bitter sweet.  Here are several pictures of us at the air show yesterday.  As I harassed everyone with my camera, Arthur asked (only slightly annoyed), "Does everything need a picture?!"  Right now, absolutely!   A friend of mine even snagged the camera and got some of the four of us...together!

So I don't FOURget

I have been recording "Jake Quotes" for several years now for several reasons.  First, I can't possibly remember them all, not with new ones happening nearly every day.  Second, people would probably think I was making them up (but really, you can't make this stuff up).  And finally, I feel like it is the bet way to capture who he is and years from now I know we will all get a good laugh when we look back and them.

A few months ago we all went out to lunch at a Chinese Buffet.  After we finished up, I took the boys out to the car while Arthur stayed inside to pay the bill.  As we walked to the car I guess Jake was observing the diversity of the patrons and he proudly announced his findings, "This place has food for everyone...regular people and Chinese people."

We had a similar experience when Robyn, Jake, James and I, all took our first trip to the Amish market.  As a quick side note, I am slightly obsessed with the Amish!  I couldn't have been more excited the first time I saw families riding around with their horse and buggy.  And don't get me started about how beautiful there homes look at night lit up in candle light.  But anyway, I guess I have made my feelings quite clear because just as we approached the door a family all dressed in long denim skirts was exiting.  "What a cute Amish family!" Jake exclaimed.

There is no question that in most ways Jake is Arthur's mini me, but every once in awhile, he does something that is ALL me.   Like the night Jacob could be heard (probably by the entire neighborhood) hysterically screaming from the bathroom, "Just give me the band aid!  JUST GIVE ME THE BAND AID!!!"  While it sounded like we were trying to extract one of his vital organs, Arthur was simply trying to remove a teeny tiny sliver of glass from Jake's heal with a set a tweezers.  As I lay on top of Jake, trying to keep his skinny little body from thrashing, I couldn't help but laugh a little.  I know it sounds horrible and I know that he didn't appreciate it either because through his tears he spat, "It isn't funny!"  I tried to assure him that I really wasn't laughing at him...I was laughing because in that moment I saw myself more clearly in him than I have probably ever have before.  What can I say, of course Jake would inherit my most charming trait!

Jake loves to draw and when you combine that with his passion for insects, or should I say arthropods, it is no surprise that he loves to draw insects.  The other night he was out in the homeschool room working on a page full of butterflies while Arthur and I talked in the kitchen.  After a few minutes he came in and I assumed he wanted to show off his work, but instead he just held his paper down looking very solemn.  "Mommy, I tried to do a butterfly...but...but...promise you won't laugh."  "Of course I won't laugh, Baby!" I assured him, as I thought, "What sort of terrible mother would laugh at her child's art?!?"

Well, unfortunately this one.  I didn't mean too, but this kind of caught me off guard.  And for just a moment, my heart started to break and I began to mentally berate myself for being such a horrible mother.  And as I saw his beautiful little face fall, I was sure that I would be the reason he would never draw again, and then suddenly, he smiled...a great big, "Gotcha!" smile!!  Forget art...give this boy an Oscar.  That was good...too good!  Only four years old and he already knows how to play me...now that is all Daddy.

As Jake and I read scriptures together or talk about spiritual things, especially the Savior, I am both amazed and impressed by the deep understanding he already has.  The faith of my little boy is already such an example to me, and I am often reminded why we are commanded to be like little children.  I love to listen to him pray.  As we get closer to Arthur's deployment his prayers become genuine and sincere.  He always asks that, "Daddy will be safe at work, and safe at war."  Then at the end of these faith filled big boy prayers he says, "we say the things..."  It is just a little word, but it reminds me that he is still my little four year old.

  

Being Brothers

If you had ask me several months ago, I would have told you it was impossible.  But something happened during Arthur's last training...my boys started to become friends.

Look closely and you will notice this is not the sweet moment it appears to be at first glance :-)

Our days are still far from timeout free. And Jake is still known to try and get his shots in when he thinks no one is looking.  But James not a sitting duck anymore.  He has no problem dishing it right back...and more and more often he turns out to be the instigator.  And as the tables are beginning to turn on Jake, I think that James may have finally beaten into his big brother's head (literally with hot wheels, Thomas the Tank engine, and the occasional maraca) that brothers are more fun as friends than as punching bags.

And so now a new chapter begins in our home, and it is appears to come with lots of new blessings and challenges.

Nothing warms my heart like seeing my boys play together.  I love to stand in the doorway of their room and watch them both sprawled out on their tummies playing cars and listening Jake chatter away while James responses in engine revs or exaggerated nods.

Of course the game usually ends with James getting physical because Jake as gotten too bossy or Jake becoming physical because James isn't playing exactly was Jake wants him to do.  But they are learning, and these moments of content play give me a few blissful minutes of alone time which heaven known I will need in the months to come.

Jake is also really starting to enjoy his role as a big brother.  He is beginning to understand that his little brother really does look up to him.

We talk a lot about what is means to be an example and how James is watching and learning from everything Jake is doing.  More and more I notice Jake trying his best to be the "good example."  He will talk to James in this sweet little voice and call him "Jamie."  He will want to share with him, show his things and even help him get dressed.  Luckily,  James loves to be doted on by his big brother and will usually welcome all the attention.

But let's be honest, Jake is a little boy.  And what is more fun than getting a little naughty and wild...that's right...getting someone else to do it with you.  And so my sweet little baby James has joined the boy team.  And while they have definitely bonded over teaming up against Mommy (and sometimes even Daddy), I can't help but smile as I watch them crack each other up.

Many of life's most valuable lessons are learned in our relationships with our siblings.  We learn to love, share, respect, trust, protect, and forgive.  I know that one of the greatest gifts Arthur and I could give our boys in this life is each other, and I hope and pray that this is just the beginning of a friendship and love that will bond them forever.

I know I tell you everyday, but never forget that I love you each of you more than life and am honored and privileged that both of you call me "Mommy."

18 months and counting...

Unlike, his older brother, James is a man of few words.  His most favorite probably being "Mo-mmy! or "Ma-mmy!" However, all too often, these loud and persistent yells have nothing to do with me.  He actually uses "Mammy" for a variety of reasons.  Generally, it is to get the attention of the person closest to him, so they can help him retrieve whatever has caught his attention.  As you can imagine this can get a little confusing.

My favorite was the day Robyn brought James into her work to get some lunch.  "Ah, he is so cute!  Is that your baby?" they asked.  "No, he's my...." and before she could even finish the sentence James yells, "Ma-mmy!" as he points to the next thing he wanted off her plate.  His timing was perfect and, needless to say, I think at least one or two people believed him over her.

Other frequent phrases are: "Da-ddy!" "Whasat (what's that)!?" "Peeeeeese" and his new favorite, "Why?"  But we know there are tons of words and phrases that he is perfectly capable of using...he simply feels no need to use them.  How do we know?  Maybe it was his prefect pronunciation of the word "lollipop" when he spotted them at the bank a few months ago...or when he shouted, "I don't want to....Mommy, I don't want to!" yesterday at them pool...or when Aunt Robyn didn't accept the loving gift of Jake's dirty sock to chew on (even when James snuggled up to her and demonstrated exactly how to do it with the other one) and he shoved it in her face and demanded her to, "Do it!"  Ah yes, this boy can talk...he just doesn't need or want to.

But his lack of works should not be confused with him being a quiet child.  When it is just the family, there is always sound coming from this boy (and if there isn't, he is doing something naughty/highly dangerous and you must find him immediately).  He loves to sing!!!  For weeks he would sing the same thing over and over, and I just couldn't quite make it out.  Then it hit me, it was the ABCs.  Now he has expanded his arsenal to include a very clear "Eee-eye-Eee-eye-Oh," what I believe to be "Twinkle Twinkle," and an infinite array of made up melodies and percussion rhythms to accompany his day.

He is also very good at communicating in sounds.  Rather than call something by it's name, he will provide you with a very realistic sound effects.  This includes, but is not limited to, cows, horses, snakes, dinosaurs, lions, trucks, motorcycles, and tractors.

During his more quiet moments, he relies on very clear and effective gestures to get what needs/wants.  There is a lot of serious slow nodding going on at this house.  But my favorite it when he points to the thing he wants and then points to himself.  He will repeat this with more and more force (sometimes looking like he is stabbing himself in the stomach) until her get what he wants.

James may not feel like talking like a "big" boy, but he is constantly trying to prove his independence and "toughness."  He insists on coming down the stairs like a grownup.  I nearly have a heart attach watching him clutch each banister post in order to maintain his balance for each giant step.  Most days I don't think Jake even walk down the stairs, but James refuses to do it any other way.

He is always looking for the next risk or challenge, and already has three scars on his face to prove it.  And did I mention, he is fast!  Whether it is climbing up something tall, balancing on something unstable, or trying to assemble something complicated, James is constantly moving, exploring, and trying to manipulate the world around him.   I love his inquisitive, daring, and sometimes impulsive nature.

He is almost always happy, but is also tough as nails with a fiery temper. He hates the word "no" and Arthur and I have learned watch out for flying toys after we use it.

But he is also extremely warm and cuddly.  Nothing is better than a hug from James and he gives the sweetest kisses.  And who could forget that smile?  A smile from James is like warm rays of sun right on your heart.