Don't wish it all away...

There are countless inconsequential moments of my life that I can recall in vivid detail because I would say to myself, "I want to remember everything about this." From as young as I can remember I understood that time is unforgiving and it gives no second chances. Each second is precious and it is something we can never get back. When I find myself struggling with the heaviness of this reality, I just stop . I force myself to become present in whatever it is I am doing no matter how ordinary or routine it is and I make an effort to take it all in. My life is full of beautifully clear memories that I have carefully preserved because of a little voice that is constantly reminding me "you will never again be here at this exact moment doing this exact thing." Something about my conscious effort, to cling to every detail, gives me comfort. Because while the moment had passed, I have preserved it forever in my memory. It sounds morbid, I know, going through life thinking about the loss that naturally comes with each passing second. However, there is some lovely and powerfully humbling about it too. It forces me to be present in my life and to reminds me not to take the time I have been given for granted.

With all the changes that are taking place in my life and having my husband away it has been so easy for me to start wishing for this part to be over. Wishing that Jake and I were moved and that the three of us could start this next phase of our lives. But then I realized that in all my anxiety and stress I am wishing a little piece of my life away. I will never get this time back. So rather than grumbling over Jake's picky eating or the fact that I haven't heard from my husband in over a week, I need to be grateful for this time and for all the people I have to share it with. Especially, my beautiful little boy. These are not just my moments anymore, they are his now too. So I need to remember not to wish any of it away. When I look back on my life, I want to know that I really lived it. The happy and the sad, the beautiful and the ugly, the joy and the pain...I don't want to miss a moment. So matter where you are in you life or what you are doing make sure that you are making the most of it and be careful not to wish it all away...