Training

On paper, it is just another Army training...several weeks away for some high altitude flight training.  But as I frantically scrubbed toliets and mopped floors, desperately trying to stay busy enough to quiet my mind, the anxiety and dread still managed to creep in.  And as I lay awake last night, just listening for his alarm that would signal his departure, there is no denying that this training means so much more.

As I watched him pack that camo bag full of his uniforms, socks and gear, the lump in my throat started to suffocate me.  Yes, this good bye just makes the next one so much more real.  So really, Arthur isn't the only one training for the upcoming deployment.  The boys and I are now in training too, even if they are too little to realize it.  We are training for what our life will be like without Daddy for nearly a year.  And while today went well, the space that his absence brings is infinite.

It is impossible to simply who Arthur is and what he does for our family into a little blog post.  There are probably a million things he does and contributes that I don't even realize because he has been a part of my life for so long.  However, I have been paying more attention over the last few months...just watching him with the boys.  It is a combination of my desire to soak in all in, but also a desperate attempt to cram for my test as a "single" parent...if I am going to try and fill even the big toe of his shoe (or should I say boot), I have a LOT to learn

Arthur is amazing at including the boys (even crazy Baby James) in whatever he is doing.  Painting, washing the car, even watching football...the boys are welcome in all of it.  There are so many times I would understand if he wanted to complete a task uninterrupted, but he genuinely loves to have them with him. 

Last month he redid our floors, and never once did he get annoyed or frustrated with them while he tackled such a huge task.  He just let them work/play right beside him.  I really expected the boys and I would be sequestered in a room for the duration of the project, but no.

He patently answered all of Jake's questions, found jobs for them to do (Jake has gotten quite good with a hammer, and James is not far behind), and really used the whole experience as a teachable moment.

He is my best friend, my better half, and my partner.  I couldn't imagine having a family with anyone else.  So I am going to do my best to not dwell on the goodbye, but instead be grateful that I have a man/husband/and father for my babies who is so much to miss.