18 months and counting...

Unlike, his older brother, James is a man of few words.  His most favorite probably being "Mo-mmy! or "Ma-mmy!" However, all too often, these loud and persistent yells have nothing to do with me.  He actually uses "Mammy" for a variety of reasons.  Generally, it is to get the attention of the person closest to him, so they can help him retrieve whatever has caught his attention.  As you can imagine this can get a little confusing.

My favorite was the day Robyn brought James into her work to get some lunch.  "Ah, he is so cute!  Is that your baby?" they asked.  "No, he's my...." and before she could even finish the sentence James yells, "Ma-mmy!" as he points to the next thing he wanted off her plate.  His timing was perfect and, needless to say, I think at least one or two people believed him over her.

Other frequent phrases are: "Da-ddy!" "Whasat (what's that)!?" "Peeeeeese" and his new favorite, "Why?"  But we know there are tons of words and phrases that he is perfectly capable of using...he simply feels no need to use them.  How do we know?  Maybe it was his prefect pronunciation of the word "lollipop" when he spotted them at the bank a few months ago...or when he shouted, "I don't want to....Mommy, I don't want to!" yesterday at them pool...or when Aunt Robyn didn't accept the loving gift of Jake's dirty sock to chew on (even when James snuggled up to her and demonstrated exactly how to do it with the other one) and he shoved it in her face and demanded her to, "Do it!"  Ah yes, this boy can talk...he just doesn't need or want to.

But his lack of works should not be confused with him being a quiet child.  When it is just the family, there is always sound coming from this boy (and if there isn't, he is doing something naughty/highly dangerous and you must find him immediately).  He loves to sing!!!  For weeks he would sing the same thing over and over, and I just couldn't quite make it out.  Then it hit me, it was the ABCs.  Now he has expanded his arsenal to include a very clear "Eee-eye-Eee-eye-Oh," what I believe to be "Twinkle Twinkle," and an infinite array of made up melodies and percussion rhythms to accompany his day.

He is also very good at communicating in sounds.  Rather than call something by it's name, he will provide you with a very realistic sound effects.  This includes, but is not limited to, cows, horses, snakes, dinosaurs, lions, trucks, motorcycles, and tractors.

During his more quiet moments, he relies on very clear and effective gestures to get what needs/wants.  There is a lot of serious slow nodding going on at this house.  But my favorite it when he points to the thing he wants and then points to himself.  He will repeat this with more and more force (sometimes looking like he is stabbing himself in the stomach) until her get what he wants.

James may not feel like talking like a "big" boy, but he is constantly trying to prove his independence and "toughness."  He insists on coming down the stairs like a grownup.  I nearly have a heart attach watching him clutch each banister post in order to maintain his balance for each giant step.  Most days I don't think Jake even walk down the stairs, but James refuses to do it any other way.

He is always looking for the next risk or challenge, and already has three scars on his face to prove it.  And did I mention, he is fast!  Whether it is climbing up something tall, balancing on something unstable, or trying to assemble something complicated, James is constantly moving, exploring, and trying to manipulate the world around him.   I love his inquisitive, daring, and sometimes impulsive nature.

He is almost always happy, but is also tough as nails with a fiery temper. He hates the word "no" and Arthur and I have learned watch out for flying toys after we use it.

But he is also extremely warm and cuddly.  Nothing is better than a hug from James and he gives the sweetest kisses.  And who could forget that smile?  A smile from James is like warm rays of sun right on your heart.

Out and About

With just a few days to go until the first official day of summer, I feel like it is time to document some of the things we've been up to this Spring.

First, I should mention the new addition to our family.  Nope, not another baby....not even a dog.  No, we are now the proud owners of a new riding lawn mower.  And since any given Saturday morning, Arthur may be responsible for mowing 4 huge yards, it is a welcomed addition.  However, I did not realize quite how special it was until family prayer when Jake said, "Thank you for our riding lawn mower since Daddy has wanted one his entire life."

Unfortunately, not every day can be filled zipping around the neighborhood on a riding lawn mower, so while Daddy is at work the boys and I have to find other things to do.
One of our favorite outings is to the Adventure Science Center.  Last time we pulled into the parking lot James was so excited I could barely get him to hold still long enough to get him out of his car seat.  He loves getting to run around and explore everything.  There is just something so magical about watching your child discover and learn.

Jake is participating in their summer Little Labs program, and he has really enjoyed the two we've attended so far.  The teacher is great and they have just the right amount of structure (James even gets to join in). However, I would have to say that the lesson about ants was everyone's favorite!

And I will admit that I was a pretty proud Mommy when he correctly told the "class" the body parts of an insect.  That's my boy!  

Jake also participated in his first soccer camp, and he loved it so much that I signed him up for the next one.  He was so cute and excited on his first day.  As he ran onto the field in his shinguards and cleats, wearing his little army backpack packed with water, sunscreen, and a snack, my heart took a picture (and okay, my camera may have taken a few too).

He didn't even look back.  In that moment, he didn't need me.  He had enough confidence to head into this adventure all by himself.  And while I would have expected that to make heart ache a little, I was really just proud and so excited for him...excited as he starts this new stage in his life full of new experiences where he can develop his interests and talents.

Isn't that my job, to give my children the skills and confidence to stand on their own?  And while he is only four, and this was only a little soccer camp, it was nice to see that we are on the right track.  And I felt even better when one the third day he couldn't wait to report that he had shared his snack with a little girl who didn't have one.  I'd like to believe that it was an act of service, but I also think it didn't hurt that she was a pretty girl. :-)

While Jake had a great time at soccer camp, I enjoyed some one on one time with my crazy James.  Even though he was devastated each day we left Jake at soccer camp, it was fun to get to spend the mornings with him.  We played peek-a-boo in the curtains at Target, read books at the library, and even made it through an antique store without breaking anything.  Oh my little Bubba, life would be so boring with out you.

Date Day WIth My Bubba

Until today I wondered...worried even, that I would never be able to watch musical theater without the sharp twinge of jealousy creeping in.  It makes me physically uncomfortable to watch (even on TV) people do what I once loved to do so much myself.  But today, only three notes into the overture of Click Clack Moo, I found out it was possible.

The music started just as Jake and I were were getting to our seats.  The lights were already down in the house and I could only see the outline of Jake's profile reflecting the stage lights.  He was frozen, eyes transfixed on the stage.  It took me three or four attempts just to get his attention long enough for him to take the last several steps to our seats.

As we settled in, I looked down...I saw just what my mom had described about me so many years ago.  Jake was perched at the edge of his seat, back ridged at attention, and eyes wide.  He hung on every word...every note.  He laughed at all the silly parts, clapped enthusiastically after every song (I think he even started the applause once or twice), and couldn't help move to the music.  Then he climbed into my lap and snuggled in, and as I wrapped my arms around him, it happened.  Finally, I found a place in the theater I liked even more then the stage.

At intermission, we walked into the lobby hand in hand and I asked, "How do you like it so far?" "I think it is great!" Jake beamed up at me.  And it was...a great show, a great "date" with my baby boy, and a great reminder that as much as I loved (and often miss) performing, it was the not the life for me.  I am where I belong.

Ended our date with a trip to Cracker Barrel...pancakes and a parfait...4 year old heaven :-)

True sign of a great day...

Looks like James had a pretty great day too...Thanks Aunt Robyn!

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think I'll start watching Glee anytime soon, but I am excited to share the love of my past life with the true loves of my new one.

Training

On paper, it is just another Army training...several weeks away for some high altitude flight training.  But as I frantically scrubbed toliets and mopped floors, desperately trying to stay busy enough to quiet my mind, the anxiety and dread still managed to creep in.  And as I lay awake last night, just listening for his alarm that would signal his departure, there is no denying that this training means so much more.

As I watched him pack that camo bag full of his uniforms, socks and gear, the lump in my throat started to suffocate me.  Yes, this good bye just makes the next one so much more real.  So really, Arthur isn't the only one training for the upcoming deployment.  The boys and I are now in training too, even if they are too little to realize it.  We are training for what our life will be like without Daddy for nearly a year.  And while today went well, the space that his absence brings is infinite.

It is impossible to simply who Arthur is and what he does for our family into a little blog post.  There are probably a million things he does and contributes that I don't even realize because he has been a part of my life for so long.  However, I have been paying more attention over the last few months...just watching him with the boys.  It is a combination of my desire to soak in all in, but also a desperate attempt to cram for my test as a "single" parent...if I am going to try and fill even the big toe of his shoe (or should I say boot), I have a LOT to learn

Arthur is amazing at including the boys (even crazy Baby James) in whatever he is doing.  Painting, washing the car, even watching football...the boys are welcome in all of it.  There are so many times I would understand if he wanted to complete a task uninterrupted, but he genuinely loves to have them with him. 

Last month he redid our floors, and never once did he get annoyed or frustrated with them while he tackled such a huge task.  He just let them work/play right beside him.  I really expected the boys and I would be sequestered in a room for the duration of the project, but no.

He patently answered all of Jake's questions, found jobs for them to do (Jake has gotten quite good with a hammer, and James is not far behind), and really used the whole experience as a teachable moment.

He is my best friend, my better half, and my partner.  I couldn't imagine having a family with anyone else.  So I am going to do my best to not dwell on the goodbye, but instead be grateful that I have a man/husband/and father for my babies who is so much to miss.

That thing you do...

Often times as a stay at home mom, the days can feel a little...well, monotonous.  A friend of mine once said that most of a mother's duties consist of "make work."  Basically, we are just doing the same jobs over and over again...attempting to do them at the same or greater speed that they are getting "undone."  And as I wipe crumbs from the kitchen table for the fourth time before lunch, or as I stuff the washing machine full of the same dark load that I am positive I just folded and put away the day before, I can't help but become both a little underwhelmed at the monotony and frustrated that there is never ever a real feeling of completion.  Because let's face it, I could walk around my house constantly (and most days I feel like I do) doing nothing but relocation missions to put stuff back to were it "belongs," and my house will still never be clean.
So why?  Why is this the most amazing "job" I could ever ask for?  Why wouldn't I trade this in for anything?  Why do I go bed praying for more patience  grateful every night, that I get to live this stay-at-home mommy life...because of the little things my boys do...the little things I don't have to miss.

You know, those cute quirky things children do?  Unique little things that make you smile and think, "Oh, that is so them!" The habits or mannerisms that can seem almost common place because they do them all the time.    However, within a few months or even weeks they will have faded away...out grown them for some new milestone.  And before you know it, that thing you could never forget is forgotten.

So here it is...another list of the little things my boys are doing these days... all the little treasures that I never want to lose.

1) James is silly...the older he gets the more his silliness shines through.  Just ask him to show you his "sleepy eyes" and you will get a huge grin and lots of fluttering eye lashes.  It makes us all giggle every time...which of course makes him do it more.

2) For Christmas Jake received Silly Songs, a 3 disk compilation of every preschoolers favorite songs.  It is hours of fun...really.  Well, over the last 3 months, Jake has memorized everyone.  And now, at least 5 times a week, he heads to the home school room, turns the music up to the point I am surprised his ear drums don't bleed, and belts out each song with great concentration and precision.

3) Much like his older brother, James loves to be read to.  I think it is so precious the way he will go retrieve a book and then turn around and back up (you can almost hear the "BEEP! Beep!" as he takes each step backward) until his heals makes contact and then he plops his little tush right down in my lap and snuggles in, never turning around once.

4) Jake is hitting a new stage in his childhood.  Up until this point things have come really early and naturally for him.  So now that we are introducing things that take a little bit of work and practice our little perfectionist can get quite frustrated.  And while it is not cute or adorable when he throws his pen down and storms out of the room or when he yells "I quit!" when he isn't holding Mrs. D for the full whole note on his Violin,

I am so proud of him when he calms himself down (sometimes with a little help) and comes back and tries again.  So many big life lessons in these moments, and the look of pride when he gets it is priceless. 

5) One the bright side, James is no longer an eater of furniture.  This is one phase that I am not upset was short lived (although, the teeth marks in my furniture will make it a hard one to forget).  However, he has definitely not outgrown putting just about everything else in his mouth.

Markers, crayons, blocks, books, shoe Velcro...none of them are safe from James little razor blades.  But his socks are his favorite!  It is pretty common place to see James running around with a soggy little sock hanging from his mouth.  It is weird, I know.  The only thing he likes better is his towel after bath time.  He is almost frantic about getting the towel between his teeth, and usually he has it in his mouth before you have even gotten it around his slippery little body.

6) Jake has given up on my imagination...or should I say lack there of.  But rather than engage my pathetic and obvious half hearted attempts, or give in to the horrible fate of "independent play," he has come up with a very creative way to handle the problem.  Jake becomes the character(s), generally with a rhyming name like Tiger Wiger or Butterfly Whutterfly, and I am just "Miss Jillian."  And so whether I am washing dishes or fixing dinner, we can play.  It is prefect, I just get to be myself and ask questions while he uses that amazing imagination and quite a few animal facts to come up with the most creative and entertaining answers.  I learn a lot about how Jacob sees the world through the conversations with all his "friends."

Oh I love these little boys, and am grateful for their unconditional love and how they continually overlook all my imperfections.  They teach my so much and I am so grateful to be their mommy.  Being here for all the little things they do makes laundry and dishes (and a few 100 other chores) seem like a pretty fair trade.