Not too sick for all our traditions

I had some pretty big plans for this week leading up to Christmas.  Okay maybe not big, but I have a plan.  I pictured our days full of Christmas baking, cookie decorating, and some Christmas crafts.  But so far our days (and nights) have been filled with tissues, body aches, hot tea, fevers, steamy showers, and even a throw up bowl.  Unless you count the Christmas movies we have watched, there has been a lot less Christmas cheer that I imagined, especially on Jonah's first Christmas.

But here we are, just 6 days before Christmas.  So rather than feel sorry for myself...or should I say after feeling sorry for myself, I decided that we needed to just go for it.  Since I think we are still a little too germs to start on Christmas treats, I thought ornament painting would be a safer bet.  I had Jake grab the craft paints while James set up the computer for some Christmas tunes.  And after I doled out everyone's previously selected ornaments, I of course, grabbed my camera.

That video of tiny James inspired me, so I started with a little camera time.  I am no videographer, but I know I will be grateful to have their childhood voices recorded.

And then about the time Jonah started to get annoyed in the background, I switched back to documenting things the way I am more comfortable.

 Here is to Christmas traditions and filling our tree with ornaments and memories of all our past Christmases.

Melancholy at Midnight

A silly video of my Jamie Do popped up today on my Facebook feed.  The video was from 4 years ago today.  Jamie, who had just celebrated his 2nd birthday, was performing a passionate rendition of "Happy Birthday" which upon my questions told me it was his birthday.  The video made me smile, laugh, and of course made me heart ache a little.  I wanted to reach out and scoop up that two year old James and just love on him.  I miss him being that little!  

Now he has just turned 6!  Luckily he is still that goofy sweet boy in the video, just not quite as small or squishy.  He still makes the same expressions and has the same little laugh when he knows he is being funny.  Isn't it beautiful that even though they grow and change so much there are parts of them that always stay the same?

But as I watched, I was reminded once again of just how fast it goes...just how bitter sweet this motherhood thing is.  Tears stream down my face as I type this because it is all so temporary, but that is what makes this...makes them so precious.  

So in honor of my emotional midnight blogging, here are my sleeping babies.  I may not be able to freeze time, but that is way I have a camera!

As painful as the reminder is, I am so grateful for it!  It is so easy for me to get caught up in the never ending list of to-dos.  I need to remember to slow down and embrace the beauty and joy I am blessed with.

Our Big Baby Jonah Bear

Blogging = Pictures.  There is no way around it.  When I sit down to write and I start to reflect, I immediately realize how behind I am at journaling this little life of ours.  This triggers the uncontrallable impulse to grab my camera and "capture a moment."

So the lucky winner of today's little photo shoot is our little Jonah Bear!  

His four month birthday is still a over a week away but according to my latest Osh Kosh order, he is the size of the average nine month old.  At 18.6 lbs, I am pretty sure he is trying to keep pace with his Grandpa Dave, who weighted something like 32 lbs on his 1st birthday.  All my babies have been chunky, but Jonah is our first "big" baby.  He is the first one to be setting the curves on the growth charts for weight and height.  He looks just like Jamie did as a baby, except he is literally twice the size.  We all love it even if carrying him around has become a serious work out!

When I was pregnant with Jonah, Arthur and I mentioned (more than once) how nice it would be if this new baby had a dispossession like James.  He has always been our sweet one.  Don't get me wrong, we adore Jacob and Scarlett, they are amazing, but James...he is just a little love!  And somehow it happened, so far Jonah is so much like our Jamie Do.  He seems to have a familiar sweetness to his older brother.  And like James, he is also a great little sleeper!  Besides waking up to eat, he has slept during the night since day one.  He actually tried to sleep through his birth.  He seriously didn't cry.  I was so terrified at how quiet he was and I was sure it was because his lungs weren't ready.  I actually tried to hand him to the nurse (cord still attached), but when she waved off the respiratory techs, I realized that he was actually just trying to sleep.

Now that he has finished his "forth" trimester, he is a little less sleepy, but he may actually have James beat as our best sleeper.  He rarely cries, and if he does it usually means he wants his Mommy.  He has the most amazing pouty lip and the most convincing "momma" cry.  But since he is usually in my arms or snuggled tight in the Moby wrap, he stays pretty content.  He has become quite the little talker.  I adore it when he stops eating just to tell me something as he gazes intently into my eyes.  Sometimes I am sure he is saying, "I love you."  His brothers and sisters can't get enough of him, and they have all developed their own little tricks to make him smile and laugh.

As evenident his amazing cheeks and countless rolls, our Jonah is also a stellar nurser!  But nursing is not just about the eating for this boy, it is also about the snuggles.  Jonah is such a cuddle bug!  The only problem is, Daddy and I are the only ones strong enough to hold him.  Jake still pitches in when I need a hand, but it isn't too long before he is begging me to take him back.  Scarlett and James have pretty much given up.  Jonah may be our baby, but I don't think he will be the littlest for long.  But large or small, Jonah fits perfectly into our family.  We love you Sweet Boy!

Loosing Myself in Them

I love taking pictures...especially of my kids, but the problem with taking them is that you are rarely in them.  So, even before Jonah was born, I decided that this time I was going to be in the pictures.  I have been stalking following a local photographer for several years now, and so picking a photographer was an easy choice.

The pictures were taken the day before Jonah turned one month.  When I received the final images last week I was amazed to see how much he has already grown (no, really...my 3 month old weighs 18.6 pounds and is showing no signs of slowing down).

I am in love with these pictures...even the few I am in.  There is something very symbolic to me about the posing...me sitting, surrounded almost completely, by my four amazing children.  People often caution, "Don't loose yourself in your children."  "One day they will grow up and leave," they warn.  And it is true.  One day (all too soon I am sure), they will grow up and begin lives of their own.  It is what they are suppose to do...what I am hopefully raising them to do.  But if not loosing myself in that process is part of the deal, than I have already failed.  And it is too late to go back now, the girl I was, nearly a decade ago, has been forever lost.   But I am okay with that.  Through motherhood, through this process of "loosing"  myself (more and more with each precious addition), I have realized that I am actually finding myself.  And even when they no longer physically surround me, I will still never be just me.  Each one of my children test and bless me in ways that forever alter me.   I am who I am because of them.  Just as I can see myself reflected in each of them, my children have become part of my own refection.

Motherhood, there is nothing else like it...

My Mother's Day Gift to Myself

After I finished a new post last night, I went back to see how long it had been since I had written last.  I knew it had been a while, but... SIX MONTHS!?!?  How in the heck has it been six months!!  I know I say it in nearly every post, but MAN, time flies!

I have no grand ideas that I will catch up or keep up, but here I am again trying to record a memory or two.  I am starting to learn that sometimes you do things even if you can't do them 100%.  I am sure my future self will thank me for whatever I have time to do now, but she will be really angry if I just give up and leave her with nothing.  So future self, just remember, you did your best. :-)

Back in May I decided my Mother's Day gift to the Grandmas (and really to myself) would be updated pictures of my babies.  And over the course of three mini photo shoots, I was able to get some great ones!  Somehow I even got several of them framed and displayed within a couple weeks of taking them...yay for the small victories!

My goal over the next several posts is to dedicate a little time reflecting on each of my children and the milestones they have reached over the last year and share their individual pictures, before I start on that, here are some of my favorites of my kiddos all together back when there were only 3.  When I took these pictures, Jonah's birth seemed forever away, and now he is already 2 months old!  Like I said before, time sure flies!

As homeschool kids, my children get to spend their days together in a unique way.  Despite age differences, they are eachother's peers. Each day they play together, work together, and learn together.  I'm excited to see how Jonah will fit in the mix.  But no matter what,  I pray that the friendships they have formed in childhood will unify them for the rest of their lives.  From my own experience, siblings are the best gift a parent can give their child, and I think my children will feel that same way too.

Counting Blessings and Baby Toes

Unlike his 10 sweet baby toes, there is no way to count the blessings Jonah has brought to our family.   He is such a gift and we feel the light of heaven that he has brought with him every day.

I am continually amazed as I watch my other children as they eagerly love and serve their new little brother.  Jake has become my extra set of hands throughout the day.  I can always count on him to take Jonah for me and he looks like such a little man when he paces and bounces our fussy boy.  James is just as thoughtful and selfless as ever.  He is constantly trying to find ways to make my days easier.  He adores his baby brother, and he thinks it is pretty great that Jonah looks so much like he did as a baby.  Jake and Jamie have this big brother thing down, and I am unbelievably grateful for both of them!  

But it is the growth and changes in my Scarlett that have been the most surprising.  From the second that she met Jonah, she has never once been jealous of him.  That isn't to say that she doesn't ever act out or struggle as she adjusts to all of the changes in her life and her place in our family.  But when it comes to Jonah she has nothing but kisses, soothing words and a frequent requests to hold him.  Not once has she ever directed any of her frustration toward "her baby."  Instead she has become a little momma with him, and being Jonah's big sister is bringing out the best in her.  In the past several weeks, I have seen such a change in her.  The whining has started to fade away, the tantrums are far less frequent, and I can tell that the way she sees herself is also changing.  Becoming a big sister is helping our baby girl begin to outgrow the natural selfishness of childhood.  In little ways she is starting to put the needs of others in front of her own, especially Jonah's.  As I see her confidence in her new role build, her excitement to help increase, and her desire to show love and kindness grow, I am reminded, once again, of the infinite wisdom of our Heavenly Father to organize his children into families.  Families allow us to learn, grow, and love in a way that nothing else could.  And I am eternally grateful for mine!

* I took these pictures about 5 weeks ago.  The day before Jonah turned 1 month old.

3:1

Okay, so I was convinced, like 100% convinced that our new little baby was a girl.  I am not ashamed to admit that I had it all planned out.  Two boys and two girls...it was going to be perfect!  The boys are already inseparable (including the times they are one top of one another trying to kill each other), and now Scarlett would have her sister.  I even had a name picked out and their room decorated, at least mentally.  Scarlett was in total agreement...she was going to have her sister.  None of Arthur's attempts at the contrary were going to change our minds.  Until of course the 20 week ultra sound...now that is pretty hard to argue with.  Spoiler Alert!  This baby is quite definitely not a girl!