Date Day WIth My Bubba

Until today I wondered...worried even, that I would never be able to watch musical theater without the sharp twinge of jealousy creeping in.  It makes me physically uncomfortable to watch (even on TV) people do what I once loved to do so much myself.  But today, only three notes into the overture of Click Clack Moo, I found out it was possible.

The music started just as Jake and I were were getting to our seats.  The lights were already down in the house and I could only see the outline of Jake's profile reflecting the stage lights.  He was frozen, eyes transfixed on the stage.  It took me three or four attempts just to get his attention long enough for him to take the last several steps to our seats.

As we settled in, I looked down...I saw just what my mom had described about me so many years ago.  Jake was perched at the edge of his seat, back ridged at attention, and eyes wide.  He hung on every word...every note.  He laughed at all the silly parts, clapped enthusiastically after every song (I think he even started the applause once or twice), and couldn't help move to the music.  Then he climbed into my lap and snuggled in, and as I wrapped my arms around him, it happened.  Finally, I found a place in the theater I liked even more then the stage.

At intermission, we walked into the lobby hand in hand and I asked, "How do you like it so far?" "I think it is great!" Jake beamed up at me.  And it was...a great show, a great "date" with my baby boy, and a great reminder that as much as I loved (and often miss) performing, it was the not the life for me.  I am where I belong.

Ended our date with a trip to Cracker Barrel...pancakes and a parfait...4 year old heaven :-)

True sign of a great day...

Looks like James had a pretty great day too...Thanks Aunt Robyn!

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think I'll start watching Glee anytime soon, but I am excited to share the love of my past life with the true loves of my new one.

Training

On paper, it is just another Army training...several weeks away for some high altitude flight training.  But as I frantically scrubbed toliets and mopped floors, desperately trying to stay busy enough to quiet my mind, the anxiety and dread still managed to creep in.  And as I lay awake last night, just listening for his alarm that would signal his departure, there is no denying that this training means so much more.

As I watched him pack that camo bag full of his uniforms, socks and gear, the lump in my throat started to suffocate me.  Yes, this good bye just makes the next one so much more real.  So really, Arthur isn't the only one training for the upcoming deployment.  The boys and I are now in training too, even if they are too little to realize it.  We are training for what our life will be like without Daddy for nearly a year.  And while today went well, the space that his absence brings is infinite.

It is impossible to simply who Arthur is and what he does for our family into a little blog post.  There are probably a million things he does and contributes that I don't even realize because he has been a part of my life for so long.  However, I have been paying more attention over the last few months...just watching him with the boys.  It is a combination of my desire to soak in all in, but also a desperate attempt to cram for my test as a "single" parent...if I am going to try and fill even the big toe of his shoe (or should I say boot), I have a LOT to learn

Arthur is amazing at including the boys (even crazy Baby James) in whatever he is doing.  Painting, washing the car, even watching football...the boys are welcome in all of it.  There are so many times I would understand if he wanted to complete a task uninterrupted, but he genuinely loves to have them with him. 

Last month he redid our floors, and never once did he get annoyed or frustrated with them while he tackled such a huge task.  He just let them work/play right beside him.  I really expected the boys and I would be sequestered in a room for the duration of the project, but no.

He patently answered all of Jake's questions, found jobs for them to do (Jake has gotten quite good with a hammer, and James is not far behind), and really used the whole experience as a teachable moment.

He is my best friend, my better half, and my partner.  I couldn't imagine having a family with anyone else.  So I am going to do my best to not dwell on the goodbye, but instead be grateful that I have a man/husband/and father for my babies who is so much to miss.

That thing you do...

Often times as a stay at home mom, the days can feel a little...well, monotonous.  A friend of mine once said that most of a mother's duties consist of "make work."  Basically, we are just doing the same jobs over and over again...attempting to do them at the same or greater speed that they are getting "undone."  And as I wipe crumbs from the kitchen table for the fourth time before lunch, or as I stuff the washing machine full of the same dark load that I am positive I just folded and put away the day before, I can't help but become both a little underwhelmed at the monotony and frustrated that there is never ever a real feeling of completion.  Because let's face it, I could walk around my house constantly (and most days I feel like I do) doing nothing but relocation missions to put stuff back to were it "belongs," and my house will still never be clean.
So why?  Why is this the most amazing "job" I could ever ask for?  Why wouldn't I trade this in for anything?  Why do I go bed praying for more patience  grateful every night, that I get to live this stay-at-home mommy life...because of the little things my boys do...the little things I don't have to miss.

You know, those cute quirky things children do?  Unique little things that make you smile and think, "Oh, that is so them!" The habits or mannerisms that can seem almost common place because they do them all the time.    However, within a few months or even weeks they will have faded away...out grown them for some new milestone.  And before you know it, that thing you could never forget is forgotten.

So here it is...another list of the little things my boys are doing these days... all the little treasures that I never want to lose.

1) James is silly...the older he gets the more his silliness shines through.  Just ask him to show you his "sleepy eyes" and you will get a huge grin and lots of fluttering eye lashes.  It makes us all giggle every time...which of course makes him do it more.

2) For Christmas Jake received Silly Songs, a 3 disk compilation of every preschoolers favorite songs.  It is hours of fun...really.  Well, over the last 3 months, Jake has memorized everyone.  And now, at least 5 times a week, he heads to the home school room, turns the music up to the point I am surprised his ear drums don't bleed, and belts out each song with great concentration and precision.

3) Much like his older brother, James loves to be read to.  I think it is so precious the way he will go retrieve a book and then turn around and back up (you can almost hear the "BEEP! Beep!" as he takes each step backward) until his heals makes contact and then he plops his little tush right down in my lap and snuggles in, never turning around once.

4) Jake is hitting a new stage in his childhood.  Up until this point things have come really early and naturally for him.  So now that we are introducing things that take a little bit of work and practice our little perfectionist can get quite frustrated.  And while it is not cute or adorable when he throws his pen down and storms out of the room or when he yells "I quit!" when he isn't holding Mrs. D for the full whole note on his Violin,

I am so proud of him when he calms himself down (sometimes with a little help) and comes back and tries again.  So many big life lessons in these moments, and the look of pride when he gets it is priceless. 

5) One the bright side, James is no longer an eater of furniture.  This is one phase that I am not upset was short lived (although, the teeth marks in my furniture will make it a hard one to forget).  However, he has definitely not outgrown putting just about everything else in his mouth.

Markers, crayons, blocks, books, shoe Velcro...none of them are safe from James little razor blades.  But his socks are his favorite!  It is pretty common place to see James running around with a soggy little sock hanging from his mouth.  It is weird, I know.  The only thing he likes better is his towel after bath time.  He is almost frantic about getting the towel between his teeth, and usually he has it in his mouth before you have even gotten it around his slippery little body.

6) Jake has given up on my imagination...or should I say lack there of.  But rather than engage my pathetic and obvious half hearted attempts, or give in to the horrible fate of "independent play," he has come up with a very creative way to handle the problem.  Jake becomes the character(s), generally with a rhyming name like Tiger Wiger or Butterfly Whutterfly, and I am just "Miss Jillian."  And so whether I am washing dishes or fixing dinner, we can play.  It is prefect, I just get to be myself and ask questions while he uses that amazing imagination and quite a few animal facts to come up with the most creative and entertaining answers.  I learn a lot about how Jacob sees the world through the conversations with all his "friends."

Oh I love these little boys, and am grateful for their unconditional love and how they continually overlook all my imperfections.  They teach my so much and I am so grateful to be their mommy.  Being here for all the little things they do makes laundry and dishes (and a few 100 other chores) seem like a pretty fair trade.

Our Double Dot

Arthur was promoted to Chief Warrant Officer 2 this past weekend (and if you are not familiar with the army, you should not feel bad for not knowing what that is).  In true Hispanic family fashion, we have been celebrating all week.  I even made a chocolate cake with homemade chocolate frosting.

But this morning was the official pinning ceremony for his promotion. While the ceremony was quick and informal (aside from Arthur all dressed up in his Class As), it kind of made up for the boys sleeping through the pinning ceremony at the flight school graduation.  This time we were all able to be up there together.

With James on one hip, I was able to clumsily remove the W-1 shoulder board and replace it with the W-
2 board passed down from a seasoned pilot, CW3 Steve Campbell, a fellow soldier

(by the way, I will definitely be doing a dress rehearsal if I ever have to do that again).  And, while being hoisted up by Arthur's Company commander, Jake was able to replace the other side.

I am so proud of Arthur.  While he will just shrug it off as an automatic timed army promotion, I have seen all the dedication, sacrifice, and hard work he has put into this "time" and know how well deserved this promotion is.  Endurance is a virtue that should never be minimized, because sometimes it is the hardest thing to do.

But Arthur wasn't the only soldier I was proud of this morning, Jake is turning into quite the little soldier himself. 

While he was elated at the opportunity to go to work with Daddy, he never let his excitement get the better of him.  I couldn't have ask for better behavior (although we did have to remind him once to be respectful when he attempted to protect his Dad's honor against several of the other soldiers who were giving him a hard time).

I watched in awe as Jacob stood up straight and shook hands (while looking them directly in the eye) with the soldiers who came up to introduce themselves to him.  He already has such confidence and sense of self.  Just weeks shy of his fourth birthday and already I am starting to see the beginnings of the man he is growing up to be. 

He watches his Daddy so closely, and I am so grateful for the example that Arthur is setting for him and his little brother.

Speaking of that little brother...Jake may not have been intimidated by a room full of soldiers, but James was not so sure. 

And as he generally does when he is unsure about a situation, he craved the safety he finds in his father's arms.  You could see his little body relax as Arthur hugged him close.

As we were pulling out of the parking lot, Jake began to ask questions about the ceremony that had taken place.  He wanted to understand the oath (promise) that Arthur has taken, and why Daddy had "copied" the commander. 

But after his questions were satisfied, he was quiet for a minute and then he said with all the pride in the world, "Daddy, you did a really really really really good job!"

Security and love...confidence and respect...these are the lessons my boys are learning from their father.  He may still be the low man on the totem pole at work, but to us, he really is a super hero.

We are so grateful for all that you do for this family and we love you uddles and uddles of LOVE!

For the Birds

This past weekend we made bird feeders for our back yard.  And while I am not sure if any birds have actually eaten any of the seeds, Arthur said the squirls really enjoyed the sunflower seeds.  But regardless of how the birds may feel about them, the boys had a great time (and it made for a great photo op :-)).

The Lonely Blog

So I guess 2012 is not the year for my blog.  I think, if it weren't for Jake's love of PBS.org, my computer would be growing cobwebs.  I just can't find a quiet few minutes these days.  The several times I have given it the old college try have resulted in one of two very predictable outcomes:

1. Both boys (even if previously engaged in other activities) will appear at my side before I have even typed my first sentence.

And between Jake's demands for attention and James' demands to pound on the keyboard, I give up, promising myself and this little blog that we'll met again once the kids are in bed.  But of course by then I am too tired to form a sentence, leaving my dreams of productivity to evaporate into an evening of vegging in front of the TV for an hour or two.

2. Something happens to James.

This could mean many things.  Jake could have "helped" his brother cry or James could have made a less than perfect landings on one of his nearly constant climbing attempts.

Then I must figure out if the yells of "I didn't do anything!" from Jake are genuine or if a time out is deserved.  And despite my claim that mommies are magical, there are times when I REALLY can't tell!

So I am sure that Jake has spent some time in the corner as an innocent man, but then again, I am sure that he has gotten way with a lot too.

And while there are days when I feel like I could replace talking with a tape recorder saying phrases like "Jake, don't drive the car on your brother's head," "James, sit on your bottom," or some good stern "Jake, please just leave your brother alone!" I go to bed grateful that they are mine.

Nothing like a big tight squeezes from James with his chubby little body and warm cheeks all pressed up against me or an "I love you Mommy...and I like that you are pretty," from Jake (yeah, do you think he has me figured out? :-)) to make even the longest of days good ones.